Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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