I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
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i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Two words: nipple clamps
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