i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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