We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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