He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You made out with two different species that night
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize