Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
