Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
