I'm jealous of your bromance
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
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He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
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CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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