At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
