Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
