do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
