Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
