Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
