like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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