i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
