Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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