I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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