i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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