you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
