Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
