god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding