:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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