My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
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If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
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We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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