How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
