Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
