Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
