You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
