I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
