just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
