do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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