So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
we're so committed to being not committed
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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