dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
