I am in a vortex of obligation.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
