I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
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found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
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why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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