My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
