I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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