Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
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Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
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My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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