Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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