Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
