My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
