Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
