what day is it and did you see me today?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
i think my cat just said my name.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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