Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
