Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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