what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize