All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
