Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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