I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
