Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
