At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
