i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
