he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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