mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
