my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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