i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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