Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
