You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
