He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
