we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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