i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Less talking, more tequila
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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