I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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