so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
