conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
