Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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