i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
