I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize