I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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